Feed Us, Fetus. 8/26/13

(Today's title is simply a lesson in the importance of a well placed comma.)


Sorry it's been awhile since I've posted. Beth has been sick. The symptoms?

Nausea. Headaches. Problems with spicy food. Dizziness.

Sound familiar?

That's right... It's...

GASTRITIS!!

Of course with all of her various symptoms, the pregnancy questions immediately intensified to previously unseen proportions- so much so that she actually took a real pregnancy test. This is what our lives have come to. Even with an over 99.9% chance of not being pregnant, there are those who forced doubt into her gastritis stricken brain.

SUCK IT, Naysayers! (Also, Beth peed on that.)

So in addition to our household having a bland diet, and Beth's random bouts of headaches, stomach aches, feeling tired, and being asked repeatedly if she was now indeed pregnant, any attempts of me making a "move" were rebuked in a manner not totally dissimilar from the animation below- thus further insuring that she is not, in fact, pregnant.

So screw thank you dear reader for your concern. And don't forget to subscribe and/or check back next week for another update!

A Wedding Pic. 8/25/13

I don't like to put too many images of what we actually look like on here, but I did think I owed it to you, the reader, to at least see me and Beth during one of our happier moments during our non-shotgun-wedding.

Enjoy!

Much Older Than 16 And Not Pregnant 8/7/13

Sometimes people comprehend better visually.

So graphs.

I made graphs.

Hopefully these help illustrate the current situation in a quick and easy manner.

There will be a test at the end of the week.

What To Expect When You're Not Expecting 8/1/13

Beth and I don't really sit around much talking about baby names. There's really no reason to. And if we DID ever have a baby, I think I'd wait and name it the first word I read the minute he/she was born. "Welcome to the world baby Cytotec(misoprostil)!" However, here's a list of baby names I'd like to think we've already eliminated:

Joshua
Jana
John
Jill
Jessa
Jinger
Joseph
Josiah
Joy-Anna
Jedidiah
Jeremiah
Jason
James
Justin
Jackson
Johannah
Jennifer
Jordyn
Josie

(At any given time we are expecting less children than these people.)

Here is the list of names I propose to chose from:

"The Hawk"
General Beauregard
Toofess Joe Jackson
Pepito Incarnacion Jesus Sanchez III
Essay/Ese/SA
MR. (or MRS.)
Doctor
Jediddiah (notice the two "D's")
James Brown
Or any of these + Jr.

P.S. -- Fun fact of the day. Enjoy the "freedom" that you get here in the old USofA where you can name your baby "Asshat" or "...$loo(P..." or "PeePeePooPooPants0724" or "Apple." In many other countries you can't. And while Denmark's list of 7000 appropriate names might be a little strict, I do think you should have to pay a hefty fine to name your kid "Pilot Inspektor." Consider it a permanent vanity plate purchase.