Keeping the HR in Christmas (That's where you should file your complaints, anyway.)

"Shit."

Welcome to the first annual Christmas edition of the BINP blog (and the thirty-somethingth Christmas edition of Beth herself not being pregnant.)

It's possible that, although I write to you in the second person, you have been perceiving me in a form of almost biblical omniscience as I present our narrative. Since you are getting to know me as this all-present facilitator/provider/translator of our (lack of) information to you on a irregular basis, I think now is the best time to do a "compare and contrast" of our likenesses to the holy family.

Here we go:

I am white (pretty much.)
Jesus was also white (not really.)
However, Beth is not pregnant with me (or anyone else for that matter.)

We have a shit ton of animals, ergo, our house very often resembles a stable.
However, we certainly do have "room for a bed," or rather, a whole room for a bed.
You are welcome to it if you come and visit.

Believe it or not, there are a few subtle differences between Bethlehem and Memphis.
(Although the Med and the Manger probably share a lot of similarities.)

We do have a bit of gold around the house, but not much.
There's probably frankincense in a drawer somewhere in the house if I looked hard enough.
But I have no clue what myrrh is.

If Beth gave birth on December 25th, I too would exclaim, "What child is this?!?"
Instead, it will be more likely that I open a gift and exclaim, "Chiiiild! What IS this?"

My bet would be that we have more Christmas decorations up than they did. More lights anyway.

A lot of people think I look Jewish.
I'll bet the same thing happened to Jesus.

Last, but certainly most important--

Preggers.

Baby Fever (AKA When Your Baby Gets Sick)

Yeah I know- It's been awhile (again) since I've posted. I haven't forgotten. We've just been so busy with our first Halloween of Beth not being pregnant (we dressed her womb up by hanging a sign on it that said "M-T," our first Thanksgiving (Beth kept dropping hints about how she was "eating for one,") and our soon to happen first Christmas. But more about that in next post.

This week I thought I'd post an interview I did awhile back with a good friend of Beth's. She also is not pregnant, so I wanted to give the blog some depth by getting some perspective outside our own household.

Without further adieu, I present the transcript to you now.

******

BF (Beth's Friend): So what exactly are we doing here?

ME (Me): Yeah, so I write a blog about how Beth isn't pregnant, and since you're not pregnant, I wanted to interview you for it if that's ok.

BF: [pause...] I don't get it.

ME: Well basically I chronicle how topsy-turvy our life isn't and all of the things we don't do because of Beth's lack of being "with child."

BF: [Empty Stare]

ME: Ok great. So tell me what it's like to not be pregnant. I mean, do you feel different? Do you feel like you're missing a "glow," or that you don't have some odd food cravings that you otherwise might?

BF: (To Beth) Is he always like this?

ME: I'm not being weird or anything. I mean- its not like I'm asking about your sex life, like if the reason you're not pregnant is whether you take the pill or use condoms. Or if you're abstinent for some weird reason- I mean it could be that you have high moral standards, or that you haven't met "the one" just yet, although that seems unlikely- that there would just be one, know what I mean? Or it could be a physical thing- like you have some kind of issue with your lady parts that you're resolving with your doctor before you hop back on the hump train. Or maybe you use the ol' Catholic Method...

BF: Dude- what the hell are you talking about?

ME: Maybe you know it better as the "pull and pray?"

BF: Oh my god I am SO out of here... (Takes off microphone)

Me: Uh, so I guess we're done then?

******

Stay tuned for future features with other unfertilized females.

So Wreck Into Someone Else?