How To Lose The Baby Weight (Step 1: Don't have a baby.)

Baby Weight is a Bitch.

So over the past few months we've been getting the same question repeatedly:

 "There haven't been any new blog posts for awhile. Is Beth pregnant?"

To have an easy resource to answer this question, I have created a second blog.  Feel free to check it as often as you'd like for up-to-the-minute updates on Beth's gestation progress.

http://IsBethPregnant.blogspot.com/

One of the reasons I haven't posted recently is that I've been trying to get my CD released.  (Shameless plug.)  If you'd like to preorder it you can do so by clicking here.

{Please note:  If you go and like my facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/MarsHallYall,) I will be releasing a free track a week for six weeks.  I'm honored if you choose to buy the CD in it's entirety for $5, but just know that with patience you can also have the whole thing for free.}

Moving along...

How do I know Beth still isn't pregnant?  She's lost weight.  We both have.  She didn't really need to lose any weight, but I think it was her nice way of motivating me.  I didn't really think I needed to lose weight, but after losing almost 30 lbs and still looking pretty much the same, I now realize how far behind the eight ball I really was.   Now, in fact, we've both lost enough weight that now people are asking us how we did it.  So I'll take today's post to be a kind of "How To" guide as to how to lose excess weight- be it baby related or otherwise.

Take Lots of Walks With Your New Baby

First of all, if Beth were pregnant I would tell her that it's important to remember that when you're pregnant, YOU'RE EATING FOR TWO!!!!!  And your fetus is a greedy, chubby, little ball of cells growing as fast as possible.  Therefore, don't worry about getting the 24 piece Chicken McNuggets, extra ranch on your pizza, finishing the whole quart of Rocky Road, adding in a fifth and sixth meal of the day comprised of fried chicken, or mac and cheese, or fried mac and cheese.  (Actually KFC does a nice job of mixing all of those things into a disposable bowl for you taking out all the guess work of a 3000 calorie consumption meal.)  That extra 80 pounds in 'baby weight' will slide right off immediately after delivering that little 8 pound bundle of joy!  But just in case it doesn't, now we know how to DIY...

My Weight Loss Hints:

1) Cut down on your soda consumption.  If you drink 2 liters of coke a day, mix in 1 liter of diet coke.  Going half and half cuts WAY down on the calorie consumption.

2) Prepackaged diet foods:  If you get those "diet" frozen dinners, you can eat twice as many (at least).  It's so much more satisfying to eat two dinners instead of one!  Also, anything marked "Gluten Free" or "Low Fat" is guaranteed to be extra healthy. In general, it's always better to eat prepackaged food.  If you cook your own food at home (yuck!), your meal has no special labeling, so you'll have no idea how healthy it really is.

3) Exercise.  If you go to the gym and you hit the treadmill for 20 minutes and work off 200 calories, that's 200 more calories you can eat right when you get home- I suggest a few giant spoonfuls of peanut butter!!  Then as a reward you can go ahead and have some ice cream and maybe even a candy bar and a double stuffed oreo or three- I mean hey- you went to the gym!  Amirite?

4) Booze.  Alcohol is empty calories.  So it's best to forgo eating at all on days when you're going to drink heavily.  It increases how drunk you get anyway.  If you're going to drink heavily for a number of days in a row, remember, you can safely go without eating for at least 21 days!  If you're going to drink heavily everyday indefinitely, you might want to mix in some lean protein like a sack of 2am Krystal burgers.  You'll probably just puke it up anyway.

5) Juice.  The 'liquid diet' isn't exclusive to just alcohol.  For just $60 a day you can get three juices to drink every day for like a week.  If that's all you consume- you'll lose weight fast!  It may seem impossible that you can lose 10 pounds in a week buy only drinking liquids, but your local juice bar will prove it to you for as little as $400.

6) Laxatives.  (Warning- this is Expert Level weight loss.  Master Level weight loss if you have a job that requires a lot of movement.)

7) Surgery- Let's be honest.  The easiest way is to lose weight is to not have to "work" for it.  You'll just do better next time, right?  Right.

[Disclaimer- Not responsible for damage done to your heart by following any of the above weight loss tips.]

Lookin Good Babe!