Beth Is Not Pregnant: Beth Is Not 14 Days Pregnant 7/27/13

It's hard to devise a not due date. I have to make an assumption about the assumption people make about how pregnant Beth is. (And you know what happens when we assume? That's right- it makes you a complete ass.) Anyhoo, instead of conducting an informal poll on the subject and calculating the mean (and incorrect) data, ~~as well as for the longevity of this this blog~~, I've decided to use our wedding date as the date Beth didn't get pregnant. How do I know she didn't get pregnant on our wedding day? Use your imagination, but trust me, I know. :-/

So, Beth is 14 days (and counting) not pregnant. Happy Anniversary Honey!

Also, in case you were wondering, I am now 1890 weeks old. HOORAY!
Or 434 months.
Or whatever the hell bizarre time ratio mothers use to calculate the age of their child these days.

Beth just calls me 36 years old. Then again, Beth is not my mother.

She is the mother of no one. Especially not an unborn child.

{Big Sunday post tomorrow, which is how its gonna be from now on. Consider this blog your new Garfield, or Cathy, or Beetle Bailey if you're in my coveted "over 65" demographic.}

3 comments:

UnknownJuly 27, 2013 at 1:43 PM
i dunno man. this one made me wonder: is she pregnant? is this some huge conspiracy to keep things quiet like you did with the wedding? in 256 days are we all suddenly going to be subjected to an onslaught of baby photos??

~not sure
Mike Falcone, LAcJuly 27, 2013 at 2:56 PM
I don't think you can start too early making up your No-baby Shower registry, and of course, since you're not pregnant, that makes it really easy for us to buy gifts you'll love! But that registry sure helps us know what you're baby-free household and lifestyle need! So please, start that registry, and for all those who don't like being "boring" and buying what the couple needs, try to learn from these guidelines:

1. Set a budget that's at or near the top end of what you can afford.
2. The best way to make "affordable" both memorable and personal is to go with a gift that has a local touch.
3. A gift should be something you give to the couple, not to one partner or the other.
4. A gift can be practical without being a deviled egg tray or flatware, and it can be something they'll use immediately, not in the future.
5. A gift can reflect something about their past together (before they weren't pregnant) or about their future together (without a baby).
6. If you're nervous about going "off-registry" entirely, creatively reinterpret registry requests by choosing affordable locally made or otherwise distinctive versions of items they've chosen.